What's In A Bed?

Would that which we sleep in by any other name feel just as comfortable? No! Besides thinking that I’ve borrowed and played havoc with Shakespeare’s words, have you ever thought about the word “bed” and the images and feelings that spring to mind by thinking of your bed? When I think of my bed, soft, smooth sheets and cuddling comfort come to mind. One of my favorite things in life is to slide my freshly shaven legs against cool, soft, clean sheets when I climb into my bed. I know. I’m not hard to please. But would the feeling be the same if my bed was not cuddly soft, but hard and lumpy? Hell no, and I’m learning this lesson in life the difficult way.

About a week and a half ago, I was convinced that I needed a bigger bed, a king size to be specific. Bill and I had a queen size bed, and it just wasn’t enough space for the occupants. Besides me and Bill in the bed, Cleo, a.k.a. Cujo, our seven pound poodle, sleeps with us. It’s amazing how much room a little dog can take up in a bed. Not only does Cleo sleep with us, but Colin, our four-year-old son, awakens at odd hours during the night, which results with him claiming a spot in our bed for the rest of the night. Bill and I are not small people; so, you can imagine our sleepless nights with so many bodies in a queen size bed. My mother had an extra set of king size mattresses, and when she offered them to us, I gladly accepted them, not knowing the misery that was in my future.

In order to understand my misery, you need to understand the devastating impact that erupted in my life at the loss of my queen size bed. I LOVED my queen size bed. I WORSHIPED my queen size bed. The mattresses are superb. I’ve never felt any better. Bill and I purchased the set of queen size mattresses in 2001, paying $1,000.00 for the set, and they were well worth their price. I remember that when we were in the mattress store, we laid on every display in the store to pick the perfect mattresses, and we did for us. We picked a one sided, pillow-top mattress set that never had to be flipped, and the set came with a twenty year warranty. Perfection at its best. Nothing could be better, except that I made a mistake with the purchase. We had a queen size bedroom suite, and we bought mattresses to fit. At this point in our lives, we were newly married, and Cleo and Colin had not come on the scene. Now, seven years later, after four years of four bodies in my bed, Bill had convinced me that we needed a bigger bed. So, a week and a half ago, we moved my queen size bed up to Hannah’s room and replaced it with the king size, double-sided pillow top mattresses that my mother gave us. Double-sided meaning that the top mattress must be flipped. No perfection there.

Due to having three collapsed discs because of Degenerative Disk Disease, I have a bad back, and I have to be careful about my bed. The wrong mattresses can throw out my back. Also, I associate my bed as a safe haven for my back. I keep a heating pad plugged in beside my bed at all times. When the pain becomes unbearable in my back, I cuddle into my bed with the heating pad underneath me. This “therapy” has allowed me to avoid taking pain killers on a daily basis and has aided me in my passion for reading.

After Bill completed setting up the king size mattresses, minus rails because the ones that we had did not fit, I laid on the double-sided, pillow top mattress for fifteen minutes before I jumped up and logged on to the Internet to order a 4 inch memory foam bed topper by Serta that comes with a three year warranty and two free memory foam pillows. I also tossed in a set of 400 count Egyptian cotton king size sheets to round out my purchase. The only king size sheets that I had are the ones that my mother gave to me with the mattresses. Old knotty sheets, lacking any kind of smoothness. Hey, they were free, and it was thoughtful to an extent. I can’t blame her. I wouldn’t give away good sheets either, but that doesn’t make me like the knots any better. Why shave for sheets covered in knotty balls?!?

I did sleep on the uncomfortable, non-warranty, double-sided pillow top, flipping mattress and knotty sheets that first night. Should I call it sleep? I was awake practically all night because of that demonic sleeping structure. I missed my queen size sanctuary with a passion. Before I left for work the following morning, I met a smiling Hannah in the kitchen. When I asked her how she had slept the previous night, she lit up. Seriously, she glowed and praised her new bed. Her pleasure failed in putting me in a good mood. I wasn’t happy for her, far from it. Fate was laughing at me, rubbing my dissatisfaction in my face, reminding me that she had gifted me with the PERFECT bed, and I show my gratitude by giving it away for an inferior king size pallet.

Fate’s laughter did not end with my perky daughter’s laudable glow. Fate continued with her ridicule of my stupidity by slipping little jibes into my reading material. You may think that I’m crazy, but I’m not. There I was, stretched out on the king size with my heating pad on medium, reading “The Accidental Vampire” by Lynsay Sands, and biding my time for the arrival of what I hoped to be my salvation in the form of a 4 inch memory foam mattress topper, when the heroine races to the mattress store after discovering that she does not have to sleep in the coffin anymore. I connected with the heroine. I understood her frustration, and I cheered her on, all the way to the mattress store. When she opted to try every display, I thought, “Yeah! That’s the way to do it. Try them all.” But when the heroine wound up purchasing, and I kid you not, the one-sided pillow-top, no need to flip, twenty year warranty mattress set, my feelings changed for her dilemma. My mouth fell open, and I thought, “What the Hell?!? The bitch just bought MY mattresses." What hurt the most was that the heroine was smart enough to buy a king size set. What a blow. Fate is cruel.

I now have rails under the mattresses. They are no longer sitting on the floor. Since last Thursday night, I’ve been sleeping on the Serta 4 inch memory foam. I’m still not accustomed to the feel of the foam, but it feels better than the double-sided, pillow top mattress. This morning UPS delivered my Egyptian cotton sheets. They’re washed and on the bed. I’ve shaved my legs, and I’m hoping for the best.

Peaceful dreams to all.